


leaving is sad

by tryingmyhandatwriting



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: F/M, Multi, a soft daughter, bad writing (first writing), if tommy had a daughter, post war tommy, season 1 tommy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-15 03:43:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20859683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tryingmyhandatwriting/pseuds/tryingmyhandatwriting
Summary: "My daughter, she gets attached to things fast. Happened with me coming home from France. Happened with this horse."





	leaving is sad

**Author's Note:**

> I jump around POV's a bit (not really, but read and see what I mean.) I'm rewatching Peaky Blinders before S5 comes out and I got hit with inspiration. More notes at the end, thanks for reading if you are :)  
Set in S1E03. Gemma is 7.

The loud noises woke her up. 

Gemma didn’t think she was awake though, not really anyway. She could hear her dad’s voice and someone in there along with him, her small hands came up to rub her eyes, it wasn’t rare for her to trail her tired, half-sleepy self to her dad’s room. 

“Daddy?” Her voice was soft where Tommy and his company had been loud. Like it was midday and they were at the pub. Her little hands were still rubbing at her eyes, the lights were too bright. “Daddy ‘m tired.” 

“Alright, shh, shh. Come here, girl.” 

There was a heavy hand stroking her hair down now. She was being led forward and she felt the warmth of her father’s bed sheets before the smell of smoke hit her nose. 

“Lie down. Go to sleep. Daddy’ll be here.” 

Gemma couldn’t see him. She wasn’t sure if she had ever opened her eyes. She hadn’t even bothered to check who her father had over. 

She focused solely on the warmth of her father. The dip of the bed from where he sat. Gemma thought the company might have left because there was no bright lights burning her eyes by now. Nighttimes were her favorite because it was the only time her dad allowed himself to be with her. During the day, she followed him, smiled at him, and she was lucky to get half back … Polly told her she shouldn’t force it the way she was, that Tommy was her dad and loved her in his own way but Polly didn’t understand that Gemma couldn’t stop. 

That her biggest fear was that Tommy would leave again and then what would she do. 

“Who was here, Daddy?” 

“No one, my little love. No one at all. You just go back to sleep, eh?” 

She hummed her agreement. Turning to tuck herself as closely as she could to her dad before sleep took her under. 

Gemma isn’t sure if sniffles woke her up or if she awoke to the sniffles. The sunlight was out now and Gemma stilled when she realized where she was. She was seven now and Aunt Pol and Tommy had made a rule that she was getting to big to be making her way to Tommy’s bed. 

“Are you crying because you have to give me a hiding?” 

Tommy’s hands wiped at his face before he turned to his daughter. He looked like he had no idea what she was on about. 

“You and Aunt Pol said I’m getting too big to come with you in bed. I don’t realize when I’m sleeping.” 

“We’ll make an exception this time, Gem. Aunt Pol won’t have to know.” 

“But she knows everything,” Gemma said, matter of fact. It was true, nothing got past Polly. 

She was the only one who knew all of Tommy’s secrets, too. 

“Our little secret.” Tommy was blinded by the smile that took over his daughter’s face. 

He knew she especially loved things when it was just him and her. 

“Where are ya going?” She was quick to sit up in his bed when he began pulling on his boots. She wondered if she had enough time to run to her own room and grab her shoes or if he’d be gone by the time she returned. 

He left a lot without saying goodbye. She would wake up and he wouldn’t be in the house no more and sometimes Gemma wouldn’t even see him until the next evening. 

“Is it because I got in your bed? I won’t anymore. I promise.” 

Gemma remembers one time when she was three, she was being carried in her mom’s arms, who was busy talking to Polly. Both women figured Gemma was asleep, Gemma figured anyway. Polly’s voice was cracking but Gemma didn’t think she was crying. Her mom, however, had been full on bawling. That is how Gemma knew it had been important. People of class didn’t cry or make scenes, it was, well, classless. 

“I don’t belong here, Polly. Not with him or without him. I have to go home.” The words were chopped and her voice kept breaking but Polly understood her somehow. 

“That’s his kid, Roseann. That’s Tommy’s kid. You can’t just fucking take her away.” 

Gemma wouldn’t have been shocked if Polly had ripped her from her mother. She didn’t, she kept her stance, making it clear it wouldn’t be an easy leave. Outside it had been raining. 

“I would never.” This time her mother’s voice had no crack. It was strong. “She’ll be around. I’ll send her during some holidays and there’s going to be loads of pictures taken and when Tommy comes home she’ll be here. But right now Tommy isn’t home, is he? And Small Heath is not my home.” 

Polly got closer, her hand came to rest on small Gemma’s back. The spitting image of the nephew currently fighting in a blood filled war instead of being able to be home and watch his daughter grow. Gemma still asked for him during her bedtime. 

“You get into contact as soon as you can. We’ll check in as often as possible and I’ll make sure Thomas knows Gem isn’t being taken away.” The ends of her hair were slightly ruffled. “She’s just got to live in the big city with her mum, hasn’t she?” 

The words weren’t threatening. It sounded like Polly had started crying too. There was cheek kisses and hugs and more tears and more promises before Roseann exited the Shelby home. Gemma was too tired to lift her head from her mother’s shoulder. 

Polly cried, her mother cried, and before her mother was able to get them safely into a car, raindrops fell onto Gemma’s face. 

When someone leaves, people cry, Gemma thought, because it is very sad when someone leaves. 

“What are you on about this morning? Eh?” 

Gemma was having a hard time meeting Tommy’s stare. His eyes never wavered and it made her nervous, especially when she was in trouble. 

He was still staring at her when she looked back up. 

“When someone cries, it means someone is leaving. You were crying so I thought …” her cheeks burned red while tears burned her eyes. 

“Alright, alright. Save the tears.” For a man who didn’t take well to tears, he had been giving a daughter who resorted to tears for everything, if he was honest. “I’ve just got some business going on tomorrow so I have to go to the Garrison. I’m coming back, Gem. Always gotta come back for my girl.” 

“So you’re leaving all day tomorrow?” 

“Yea. But I’ll be coming back, too.” 

“You’re gonna be busy today?” 

The tears were drying and for that, Tommy was thankful. 

Tommy nodded. 

“But I can be with you?” 

Tommy didn’t nod. 

“Ahh.. Gem,” he didn’t know where to begin. 

“I just,” tears were beginning to well in her eyes again. Eyes inherited from her father. Tommy wasn’t sure his eyes ever shined so bright though. “I get scared that you’ll…” more tears surfaced. “... l-leave.” 

“Alright, alright. Gem. Hey.” Her face came up from where she had hidden it in his blankets. “If you can be ready in ten minutes, I’ll let you come with this morning. That good? 

Gemma nodded ferociously, releasing herself from where she had rolled in his blankets and running to her room to get ready. 

Tommy shook his head. He really had to learn to show her she wouldn’t always get her way. 

In the end, Gemma wasn’t allowed to go with him. Polly was awake downstairs and breakfast was served, and while Tommy was able to leave without eating a single food Gemma had strict instructions that she wasn’t to leave their home until she finished off her plate. She didn’t find it fair but Tommy told her she would find him at the Garrison so she sat herself down for breakfast. 

Polly scolded her twice for eating too quick (“you’re gonna make yourself sick, Jesus!”) but within half an hour later she was done and dashing out the door. It would have been sooner but Polly braided her hair first. 

True to his word, Gemma found her father seated at the Garrison in the usual family room. She dashed over, a big smile on her face. 

“Daddy! Daddy!” 

There was a blonde lady standing in front of him but Gemma shoved past her to jump onto her father’s lap. He gave a loud huff at the weight of her, Polly really had to stop letting Gemma and Finn drown their breakfast in sugar, his hands still came up to make sure she was stable though. 

Her face was close to his, a toothy smile on her. 

“I beat Finn at finishing breakfast. He was eating so fast and then he got sick on the table so Aunt Polly smacked him good.” 

“Mind your manners, Gem. We’ve company.” 

With his drink in hand, he gestured over to the pretty woman by the door. She looked surprised but there was a smile on her face nonetheless. 

“How do you do? I’m Gemma, pleased to meet you Miss…” she paused. She didn’t know the woman’s name. 

“Grace,” she seemed amused now. Her eyes darted between Tommy and the girl on his lap radiating happiness. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Miss Gemma.” 

A delighted smile, even brighter than before, took over her face. 

“Really?” She gave her dad a look and Grace was surprised to see he was smiling too. What would count as a smile from Tommy, anyway. “My Daddy told you stories about me? Did he tell you how I take dance classes in New York with my mom - “

“Gem,” 

“ - or did he tell you that I can read the fastest from all the kids in my class? Or that I can spell the best? I also won a trophy because my dance teacher, Miss Higgins, says I’ve got an amazing form and I can dance on Broadway one day.”

“That’s enough talking, Gem. Come on. Take your seat beside me now.” He gave a light tap to her bum as she clambered off him. 

Grace could tell he was uncomfortable with the share of information his daughter had given. Grace had to admit she wasn’t a fan of it either, if only because the guilt in her stomach rose again, now that she knew he had a kid, a great kid apparently who so obviously thought the world of him. 

The mom in New York explained the accent Gemma carried, wavering between American and a light English accent. Grace also wouldn’t be surprised to find out that her mother came from money, it was obvious from the way Gemma carried herself. For some reason Grace didn’t think class was taught in the Shelby family. 

Grace stood quiet because the story, the only information Tommy had ever given on his little one, was when he’d come into the pub a fortnight before looking for company and obviously distraught with having to shoot his horse in the face. After she sang her song and he picked his head up from where he had been lost in thought, he started. 

“My daughter, she gets attached to things fast. Happened when I came back from France. Happened with this horse. I’ve got to make my way home and tell her, that horse is now dead. Because I took a gun to its head.” 

Grace never asked the followup on the story. It was the closest she had seen to Tommy showing he was human. 

Tommy took the newspaper resting on the table, opening it as he pretended to read through it. 

“I’ll meet you here at nine o’clock tomorrow morning.” He didn’t bother looking up at her and Gemma was busy opening and closing the window between the bar and the room. Grace could faintly make out Gemma whispering to herself. “Did you buy a dress?” 

This time he did look at her. Grace smiled. 

“Yes. I bought a dress.” 

“How does it look?” 

“I think you’ll find my drink is on the house. Or the house’ll burn down,” Gemma said to no one. The memory of Tommy saying those exact words to Grace brought smiles to both their faces. Tommy cleared his throat. 

“Right. Me and Gem must be off. I promised her a day with me since she’ll have to share me with you tomorrow.” 

At the mention of taking off, Gemma turned back, delighted. She stood on the bench of the table, looking perfect and pristine, Tommy’s eyes bright on her, she was so put together she looked like a doll. 

“Nice to meet you, Miss Grace. Me and my dad will be off now, if that’s okay.” 

Grace gave her nod of agreement. She found that she couldn’t wipe the smile off her face and even Tommy seemed a bit sheepish at his daughter. 

“Come on, trouble. We’ve got a busy day ahead of us.” 

Gemma’s chatter was heard as they made their way out the Garrison, her hand tightly holding onto that of her father’s. Grace didn’t expect for his daughter to have been so… that. Where she was put together and had class, Grace also caught the glint in her eyes. The one Tommy must have had before the war. One that told everyone she might have been with them, but in her head, there was a whole other world going on. A world with goodness and smile and laughter. A world away from the war and the mess it had left behind. 

As the figures of Gemma and Tommy faded from sight, the image of Gemma still holding onto her father clear, Grace got back to work. She was fighting away images of what Tommy would be like with another kid. Their kid.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a Grace and Tommy shipper, but rewatching I realized in moments she did feel quiet bad about what she was doing to him & his family and wanted to write that in. As Tommy said, Polly said Grace really fell in love & Polly is never wrong about matters of the heart. Also it is very hard for me to write and I apologize if it sucks horribly and if I'm being honest, I'll probably delete.


End file.
